This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
