I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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