Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
