the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
