Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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