eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
