I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
