I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
