dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
