We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
