oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
