i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
