I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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