can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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