Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
