watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
