Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
