if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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