i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
