I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
