There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
