he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
