You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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