help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
