Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
