I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
