i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
