Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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