hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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