Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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