i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
