I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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