butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
