Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
