if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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