it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
