All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
