Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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