I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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