yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
