my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
