hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
