living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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