I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
