i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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