There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dicks are not precious.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
