Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
