I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
