Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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