Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
