can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
