everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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