My liver just broke up with me...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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