Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
